In the few days before her in-laws visit

1. Panic
2. Assess the aesthetic environment, realize house looks like it was decorated by a 5 year-old with a flair for the eclectic
3. Wake at 3 am and obsess about what Mother-in-law will think of the paint squares on the living room walls
4. Panic when Maria the house cleaner is not able to clean the house, and get one of her best friends to Windex the windows
5. Obsessively wipe the lint and dust collected on the washer and dryer, even though I know Mother-in-law won’t go into the laundry room
6. Wake at 3 am and obsess over what meals to serve in-laws, especially the one with Irritable Bowel Syndrome
7. Buy fancy plug in air freshener to mask the “big dog” smell lingering, even after the house cleaners were able to make it before impending visit
8. Vacuum the sofa bed with best friend who the other day Windexed the windows, then ask her to Febreeze the curtains
9. Shop for non-spicy groceries at the peak of the “after work” shopping traffic
10. Wake at 3 am and obsess over sleeping arrangements, “should we put her in our room, and risk her finding things I bought at the Pure Romance party?”
11. Absolutely do not let 5 year-old son play with any toys in the living room, while forgetting that the mess in his room will make it impossible to access his closet
12. Start drinking wine an hour before they arrive

“Oh, your not staying the night?”

If she needed $2800

Well, let me start by saying what I would not do:
1. Prostitution (not that I think its wrong, I know some ladies gotta bring home the bacon, but I personally could not do it)
2. Armed robbery (I just don't like guns)
3. Embezzlement (I totally suck at lying)
4. I guess anything illegal because I just can't do jailtime

That said, I guess I would ask my husband for a loan, but he is poor too, so that's out. I could get a part time job, as long as it would be at night when Brian would be home to take care of the kid, or if anyone of my friends could provide free childcare (would need to ask very nicely).
Clip coupons and save, save, save! Don't feed the kids any meat for dinner! Peanut butter has a lot of protein!
If any of these things could not work for you, sell your furniture, car or your children.

when she needs to print and fax...

...and her printer runs out of ink.

So I had to print out some documents and get them faxed out quick, but my printer crapped out because we had to print this huge novel of an application the night before. So I called my friends and neighbors! Debbie wasn’t home, but Monica was! So I start rushing around to get out of the house and the phone rings, 3 different times:
1. The auction house called to let me know that the antique buffet I bid on is mine and could I please pick it up today.
2. Someone from the HOA to let me know she was getting the Christmas decorations out and could I help her with the bows blah, blah, blah.
3. Brian: “Have you sent that fax yet?”

So I get to Monica’s eventually and she is feeding Baby Girl, and she tells me the printer may or may not work and I have to crawl under the desk to hook it up. Whatever, I am desperate! Thankfully the printer worked, and I didn’t even have to crawl under the desk! Now I have to fax 43 pages. Monica says to call Letty, because she had used her fax before. I call and what do you know, Letty had to fax something too! But she didn’t have a phone line to fax on, but I did! Well, Letty didn’t really have the fax machine, because her husband gave it away.

Luckily the nearby UPS store had a working fax machine, only 99 cents a copy. But because I am so friendly the lady gave me break and only charged me for 40 and not 43. I am going to buy a printer/fax/copier and start charging the ‘hood 50 cents a page.